Marriage is one of the most critical relationships in our lives. We spend years building trust, developing feelings of affection, and learning to respect each other. Then, we expect our partners to live up to some lofty standards.
Unfortunately, sometimes we don’t realize that we expect too much from our spouses. Here are seven expectations about life partners that ruin marriages.
1. Expectations About Money
Money is an issue in every relationship. However, when couples talk about money, they often focus on spending rather than saving. It leads to resentment and frustration.
Spending money wisely is a sign of maturity. Saving money shows you’re responsible and willing to plan for the future.
Financial education is essential for both couples. Once you are married, you have a collective responsibility to plan your life financially. One person can’t be irresponsible with their finances.
For example, if you expect your partner to pay for everything, you may be resentful when he doesn’t contribute financially. This resentment can lead to arguments and fights.
You may also become jealous when your partner spends money on himself instead of you. If you’re feeling neglected, you may lash out at him.
One must also not try to hide financial problems or debts from their spouse. Discussing these issues openly is vital so you can work together as a team.
Even if you try to save money without the knowledge of your partner, it can lead to resentment. Think about how you may feel if your partner is the one saving money behind your back. You may feel like you’re being taken advantage of.
Expectations about money can destroy any relationship. Don’t let these expectations hold you back from enjoying your relationship.
2. Expectations About Children
Having children is a huge responsibility. There’s no doubt that parenthood brings joy and happiness to families everywhere. But, it’s also a significant stressor.
Expecting children too early can damage a couple’s relationship.
They also assume that having children will bring happiness to their relationship.
These assumptions can leave you disappointed and unhappy.
Instead of waiting until you’re ready to have children, focus on your relationship first. Make sure you’re happy with your partner before thinking about having children.
Growing up kids can be stressful. When parents feel stressed, they tend to act out in negative ways. For example, they yell at their kids or each other, nag, and become irritable.
Parents should learn to manage their stress levels and avoid acting out in unhealthy ways.
3. Expectations About Career
Career success is something we strive for. We want to earn a living wage and provide for ourselves and our families.
The conflict arises when one needs to put family ahead of one’s professional ambitions.
If you need to choose between career advancement and family time, then you need to make sure that you’re making the right decision. An open, friendly conversation between the partners will help you decide what’s best for everyone involved.
4. Expectations About Marriage
We often set unrealistic expectations about marriage. We read romance novels or watch romantic movies and expect marriage to be full of romance. We believe that marriage is supposed to be perfect.
We expect our partners to love us unconditionally, support us, and be faithful.
Unfortunately, we don’t always treat our partners well. Instead, we criticize them, ignore them, and fail to show them appreciation.
These expectations about life partners are ruining marriages. Instead, learn to accept differences and appreciate what you have instead of focusing on what you don’t have.
5. Expectations About Family Life
Family life is another expectation that can harm your relationship. Many couples assume that they should live happily ever after.
They assume that they will have a perfect family life once they marry.
Unfortunately, this assumption is unrealistic. No two families are alike.
Even though you may share similar values, you may still disagree on issues such as religion, politics, and finances.
As a result, you may argue over these differences.
Talk to your partner about his/her beliefs to avoid arguing over these issues. Discussing disagreements openly can prevent conflicts later on.
6. Expectations About Yourself
Finally, there are expectations about yourself. These include expectations about your appearance, personality, and skills.
People often have unrealistic expectations about themselves.
For example, they may think they need to be rich, famous, successful, attractive, or athletic.
These expectations can affect your self-esteem. If you have low self-esteem, you may feel bad about yourself. You may also feel guilty about your failures.
Because of these negative thoughts, you may become depressed.
To overcome these expectations, ask yourself why you have them. Then, try to replace those expectations with positive ones.
For example, you could say to yourself, “I’m okay just the way I am.” Or, “I’m beautiful just the way I am.” Or, “My success depends on my efforts.”
By replacing negative expectations with positive ones, you can improve your self-image.
Your self-confidence will increase. And, you’ll feel better about yourself. You’ll also enjoy life more. So, don’t let unrealistic expectations about yourself ruin your relationship.
7. Expectations About Love
Love is a beautiful thing. However, we often expect too much out of love. We expect our partners to fulfill all of our emotional needs.
But what happens when our partners disappoint us? We tend to blame them instead of taking responsibility for our feelings.
Instead, focus less on trying to control your emotions and more on managing your behavior.
When you stop blaming your partner for things that go wrong in your relationship, you’ll begin to see him/her differently.
You’ll notice that he/she has changed over time and that you’ve grown closer to each other.
So, next time you complain about your partner, try focusing on the positive aspects of your relationship instead.
Remember, you deserve to be treated well. Don’t let anyone mistreat you.
Relationship expectations can ruin your relationship if you don’t manage them properly.
The good news is that you can control your expectations. All you need to do is learn how to deal with them effectively.
Start managing your expectations today.
Do you have any questions about expectations? Leave us a comment below.
Be Blessed by the Divine!
Krish Murali Eswar.